Sometimes, the impossibly hard thing to do is to let go.
I’m terrible at it, actually. I am relentless about most things I do. Tenacious on good days, stubborn and bullheaded on others.
The hardest lesson I’m learning today is that some problems just don’t have a solution. Not everything works as you planned, and it’s impossible to plan for that. And when you’ve tried to fit every piece of the puzzle into the space but it just won’t go, it’s time to set it aside and let it go.
Letting go for me has often been a sign to myself that I failed. That I just wasn’t smart enough or patient enough or clever enough to figure it out. And if I let go, it was the same as giving up. The same as throwing my hands up in the air and claiming that I was too tired or lazy or inconvienenced to really *look* for the solution.
But I know now that there is a vast difference between not trying at all, and giving yourself the permission and peace to know when you gave it the best try you had. When you’ve done the latter, you can look at yourself in the mirror - tearfully, maybe - and accept that letting go *is* the answer.
I’m letting go today. It hurts. It makes me sad. It’s difficult to admit that I’ve tried all the answers I had and still come up short.
But I’m hopeful. Hopeful that I can now find some balance, some peace of mind, and a new path that’s meant for me.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Damien Basile 01.17.09 at 2:45 am
You’ll find your own way Amber, we all do. Just live in the present and take each moment as it comes. Utilize whatever is bringing you to sadness et al to spur you on to greater heights, lest history repeat itself. I have great faith in you that you will do great things. As for now, embrace all of the emotions/feelings and experiences that come with it. This is a joyous time for you. For if not for the “bad” moments how can you truly appreciate the “good” and strive to be more? Have faith, believe in yourself and just go with the flow. You are your greatest gift.
Much love
Damien
Christa M. Miller 01.17.09 at 3:32 am
You and I are so much alike. The other important thing to remember is that letting go, like forgiveness, is very often a process - not a one-time event. This is a lesson I am still learning, with no small amount of pain, but making sure to be patient with myself. Peace to you.
--Deb 01.17.09 at 3:33 am
Beautiful post. Sometimes you have to let things go because that’s the only way you can allow someone/something/the universe to help. If you’re in control, there’s no room for anyone else to do anything for you–it’s only when you admit that you can’t do it alone that you open up to the possibility of getting help.
Or, something like that …
Whitney Hoffman 01.17.09 at 3:52 am
This is apropos for me today as well. we had an accident- the dog chased a cat through the electric fence and got hit by a car. I was home alone, and had to get her, get her to the vet’s while the kids were on their way home at the same time, managing emotions, crisis, guilt, responsibilities and more at the same time. Triage under crisis, knowing what to let go of at the moment, and focus can be really hard. I felt guilty, I felt afraid, I felt sad- in the end, the dog will need surgery for a broken leg, but will probably be fine. And I have to know I did nothing wrong, and even the silly dog did nothing wrong, only followed her instincts and couldn’t help herself either- and somewhere in all of that, we have to find forgiveness as well. Life can be full of surprises and challenges you don’t want, anticipate or expect, but in the end, I find becoming a grown-up, even now in my early 40’s means sucking up the bad stuff and moving forward, step at a time, even when it totally sucks.
I hope everything is okay for you, and if there’s anything i can do, even listen, I’m here.
Holly 01.17.09 at 4:19 am
Hi Amber,
have only “known you” the past few months I’ve been on Twitter- your posts and web articles have lead me to believe you are a good person with strong, positive character- I’m not sure what has caused your recent sadness, nor is it my business, but I do have positive thoughts you will “push through” and be ok- if you ever feel like venting, or just talking football, you know how to find me
Holly
Liz Strauss 01.17.09 at 4:25 am
When you let go, your hands are open. Your arms are free again. You can accept things.
I have faith in you, Amber. Your heart is stronger and your is quicker than you even suspect. You’re winning.
Really.
Jaculynn Peterson 01.17.09 at 5:42 am
Amber,
I understand how you feel. Been there many times. But whatever you had to let go was for a reason. Not only that - it was courageous. Leaders know when to cut bait.
http://www.jaculynnpeterson.com/2007/12/04/cutting-bait-takes-courage-for-both-company-and-client/
Or, as Seth Godin often says re: getting through the dip — you just need to carry it through to a “logical conclusion.” (doesn’t necessarily mean successful end).
Good luck to you. Best wishes on your new gig, too.
butterflygirl 01.17.09 at 11:54 pm
I learned to finally let go when I went through my divorce. I have never felt better. Letting go has just become natural.
Emil Wisch 01.19.09 at 4:09 am
I left this up in my browser for a few days to make sure I got back to it.
Pouring your heart out can be so liberating. I’ve learned to look at myself and my thoughts from the inside out. Recently I admitted to myself and my wife something I was never able to diagnose…I was afraid. I always thought I had to be strong and do whatever HAD to be done.
I had always heard in my mind that in order to successful, you had to successful no matter what you were doing. When this wasn’t the case, I would feel like a failure. I realize this IS-NOT-TRUE. What a great relief it is to succumb to your fears and realize you don’t have to be great at something that doesn’t fit your skills or personality.
Now that it’s all said and done, I can focus on my strengths. Freedom at last.
GirlPie 01.25.09 at 2:01 am
Yeah, everything that everyone else said too… but MAN! What a marketing lesson in this lean and well-crafted post: I would pay cold hard cash to know what the hell this was that you were choosing to let go of…
All honest kidding aside, that tough release you’re going through might just be your (smart) releasing of the expectations, which can allow the good that you hold more room, or to circle back to you, or to surprise you out of the blue when it shows up. We don’t think of it as a failure when we’re giving clothes to charity… that’s how I try to think of stuff that needs letting go; I just outgrew it, so I don’t need it anymore.
Lovely writing, by the way. You put it so well that all your readers ID with their own experiences, well done.
David Benjamin 01.31.09 at 8:00 pm
It’s interesting to be reading this now, a few weeks after it was written. I get the sense that you are more at peace with the direction of your life, your career. As someone else stated earlier, you’re not obligated to share anything you’re uncomfortable with discussing. Just know that there are many people in your life that are there for support.
You’ve clearly built a strong network around you based on you just being you. They say business relationships can’t be built on the computer…the internet. I think we’re seeing a different story play out. Some of my strongest relationships both personal and professional have come from connections I have made starting online before taking offline.
Hope you’re doing well now!
Look forward to meeting you one day.
Ann Handley 02.03.09 at 5:07 pm
I’m not good at letting go, either. I’m better at gathering up, at collecting, at keeping. I’m more the “.. if it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it” sort. I’m not particularly proud of it, but there you go.
What’s hard about letting go, at least for me, isn’t so much about me letting go. Rather, it’s realizing that something else or someone else is ALSO letting ME go.. or willing to. Or happy to. Or — dear God — begging to. Ouch.
Hugs, as always, to you.
Aurelie 02.10.09 at 4:24 am
It’s easier to let go of the means than of the end… You can for instance let go of a job (admit things aren’t working out) without having to let go of your ideal career, or you can let go of a relationship without having to let go of the hope to find a soulmate.
I know it’s not going to help much, but the things I was forced to let go of and was most heartbroken about (a job I didn’t get and thought I desperately wanted, etc) are the ones that have turned into blessings in disguise ( a job much better suited to my lifestyle and aspiration came along - actually it was there from the start and I didn’t see it for a while, because I believed so strongly the other job was a better fit - experiences that have helped me discover what I truly wanted, and so on).
I’ve witnessed moments of stunning serendipity after surrendering to fate and letting go. Just take the leap and trust life’s going to be great - not just alright, but great. Good luck!
Tresha Thorsen 02.10.09 at 9:53 am
Hey Amber…I found your blog via altitude and a link on your post there. And then read this post and the comments. Lots of good ideas….I appreciate Liz’s comment about having arms open up to accept more and Ann’s insight that something else is letting her go if she needs to.
A goal of mine is to love for the fullness of that moment and the preciousness of that gift that moment…without outline, possession, obligation in a dictatorial sense. and yes. even when it means letting go..but i wouldn’t phrase it that way cuz it’s like you were possessing it.and from your authenticity, i don’t think you walk around feeling like you own a person even if you’re in a committed relationship…we own our thoughts. and to that end maybe in your next steps….just see that maybe you are letting go of thinking you could be made to believe you possessed something…and so it’s letting go of an imposed thought. not of anything that could sustain you….i don’t believe any one of us seek to possess another. feel freedom in saying yes to not possessing someone…ya know? there’s beauty in that.
with deep respect…and kindred hope for a journey of growth in love…
Tamar 02.19.09 at 4:18 am
I needed to read this post…and I needed to read it today.
Thank you.
Maria Lavis 04.27.09 at 3:59 am
Not sure if you know that letting go is a powerful Buddhist practice Amber. It is a practice one can deepen to more fully let go of all the layers of things that cause us suffering, and sometimes we let go fully bit by bit as we are ready.
But, as Liz mentioned, the beautiful thing about it is that letting go of all that stuff also makes room for starting fresh. There is a powerful energy in starting new, and it can manifest tearfully too - in tears of joy. I wish this for you.