The old adage is that when life deals you lemons, you’re supposed to make lemonade. Truthfully, I can’t complain deeply. I have an amazing daughter, a job I really love, a warm and cozy house, and some wonderful friends that surround me.
I posted professionally about the “drop” that happens after gallavanting around the country at events, showcasing that “shining personality” and doing my best to be on, and happy, and connected. On the one hand, I’m so very lucky to be *able* to do what I do. But it’s a strange feeling to have a huge community surrounding you and have moments when you feel like you’re alone in the world.
But rather than throw a pity party, a good friend encouraged me to instead write about what makes me feel better in moments like this. So I’m taking him up on that challenge.
Incidental Contact
I’m the kind of person that really feels good when someone reaches out, even in a tiny little way just to let me know that they’re out there. I relish those text messages or Twitter DMs or email notes that are just letting me know someone’s thinking of me. I send lots of them, too. Because I know sometimes how that little reassurance can go a long way to making someone feel calm and more secure.
Reading
I’m a big book nerd. I read mostly historical fiction, suspense and mystery-type stuff as well as business books on my field of work. I read fast, too, and usually several books at a time. Books are my immersion into somewhere else, and often are the ticket to getting my brain out of whatever funk it’s in.
The best reading setup for me is curled in bed, with the window cracked to let in the breeze, my duvet (a splurge purchase) and a cup of hibiscus tea. I rarely make it past three pages before drifting if I’ve done things well.
My Mom.
What else is there to say about that? Sometimes you just freaking need your mom.
Music Indulgence
I am a confessed music junkie. I’ve spent obscene amounts of money on iTunes, Amazon mp3s and even good old fashioned CDs. I have dozens of gigabytes of music and I haven’t even ripped my classical collection. It’s that bad.
So while some people’s idea of retail therapy is a new pair of shoes, mine is a trip into the iTunes store and mining the music that matches or indulges my mood. When I’m sad or lonely, I tend toward harsh music to snap me out of my funk (I’m a bit of a metal head. Some of you that will shock. Some of you not so much.). I was a music major in college, so immersing - drowning - myself in music is second nature to me when words and other trappings of humanity fail me. It’s the expression I don’t have to express. I just find what taps a nerve and go.
My Daughter
(Hallmark moment warning). There’s few things more powerful than having your two-year-old daughter patter up to you and ask “Are you okay Mommy?” Talk about a signal that you need to get your shit together and snap out of it.
As a result, I’ve discovered that Play-Doh, getting soaking wet with the garden hose, sidewalk chalk and digging for worms in the garden can be remarkably cathartic, and really put a whole bunch of things in sharp perspective.
Go-To Movies
I was never the person that went to the movies terribly much, and as much as I love it, I still don’t get to go as often as I’d like. But I have an arsenal of killer go-to movies that I keep on DVD for these kinds of occasions.
Some favorites: Top Gun, the original Star Wars trilogy, The Muppet Movie, The Usual Suspects, Goodfellas or Casino, Fight Club, The Matrix, anything Monty Python (follow the shoe), crazy PBS Agatha Christie series’ like Miss Marple or Hercule Poirot (I know, WTF right?), Batman Begins or Dark Knight, Iron Man (comic nerd colors coming out), Blade Runner, Dumb and Dumber, Pulp Fiction, the original Day The Earth Stood Still. The list goes on…
Helping Someone Else
This might seem a strange one to some, but those of you who get it will totally understand.
Sometimes, the very best thing to do when you’re feeling rotten is to make someone else feel good. Help them, send a note that you’re thinking of them, say or do something kind and unexpected. For instance, I’m a spontaneous gift-giver. I love finding presents for people that reflect jokes we share or experiences they’ve had. Making someone else delighted is one of the best ways to remind myself that there’s a whole lot going on outside my little world.
So then. After writing this post, I already feel a little lighter, and I have a few ideas about people I can reach out to and help.
What about you?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Gilbert (@CrazyOnYou) 05.31.09 at 3:27 am
Just wanted to let you know that you always let me smile when we chat on Twitter. (But you’re still going down in Rock’Em Sock’em Robots…)
Just remember that in addition to being Mom, daughter, and social media goddess, you’re also you. The people that really care about you understand that sometimes there are down days and you can’t disappoint them by being yourself.
(Great movie list, BTW. I’d only add Amadeus, because it reminds me that even genius doesn’t always guarantee happiness.)
Take care of yourself and remember that there are friends all around you…
Teresa (@TransitionalTee) 06.04.09 at 3:54 am
Have you read anything by Michel Faber or Jeanne Kalogridis? I have a feeling they’ve already made an appearance or two in your book rotation, but if not, I think you might like them.
It sometimes seems as if roles in the social media sphere can bring about even greater feelings of isolation because you’re reaching such a huge number of people on a daily basis. Not many positions in the world let you talk with so many people so regularly, and when you get the chance to meet all those people you’ve talked to and come together for all these great conferences it can be much harder than anyone would expect to recapture that connectivity and sense of community when you’re sitting at home, alone, after the fray.
I’m a music person, too (I started my college career as a vocal performance major) and I always lean on singing to help me feel a little better. Most of it happens in my car, lol, but it always helps.
Maybe one day it’ll be a little less tough to work through those times of isolation, but until then I’m glad you’ve got such wonderful loves to turn to to feel better.
Lori 06.10.09 at 12:17 am
I like the lemonade adage. I also like the saying, necessity is the mother of invention. And, I identify with your mother’s heart. I have two girls by birth, and two boys by marriage. Your love of music also resonates with me. My oldest carried that love into a music therapy profession - she works with special needs kids at a K-12 school. But…back to the necessity idea.
This story is about my niece. I spent some time with my two cousins and my Aunt while I was in Florida for the Articulate 09 conference. I wanted to bring a birthday gift for my 4 year old niece that would pack easily. Her 7 year old sister had passed down lots of toys — so what could I bring her? Like others, the economy had impacted our finances, but there is nothing so fun as giving a gift that hits the heart. And, like me, my cousin has a big heart for her kids.
So with a mission in mind as I traversed the isles at Jewel/Osco, I found matching, fuzzy lime green mittens and socks on clearance. I added a small bar of clear free trade soap I had in my closet and a coconut lime sample size bottle of body lotion, wrapped it in sparkly paper and pink bag and made a tag that said “Big Girl Bath Spa.”
I received a picture via email within a week of returning to Illinois. My cousin said she wore the socks all day, slathered herself with lotion several times until she could take a bath at night and used her mittens to “lather up with bubbles Mom.” The picture made the refrigerator. I had forgotten how fun “being 4″ can be.
Thanks for the DM tweet today during the conference. It lifted my day. Eric said you would take time respond.
When I used to travel I usually picked up a Jodi Picoult novel. Now I’m into Karen Kingbury. But, I warn you - it’s hard to put them down - even when coaxed by a cup of steaming tea. It has to be hard traveling, even when you meet such great people - I hope your lemonade stand has a web cam and you have safe travels home.
Christopher S. Penn 06.26.09 at 3:24 am
This is going to sound very strange. Especially on the second half of your post, this is why I tell people to - cautiously and fully aware - watch the Neda Soltan video, the woman killed in Iran. Not for political reasons, nor for advocacy, but because it’s the closest most people will ever come to death without it being someone they know and love - or themselves. What’s even more striking about Neda’s death is how fast it was. Shot through the heart, she died in under a minute, a lifetime erased in the same amount of time it takes for a commercial.
What’s so important about it to me is that it’s the most graphic evidence of just how fragile life really is. It’s the starkest demonstration that everything you love could vanish in moments, and that in turn is a sharp, angry reminder to enjoy every single day you have, every moment you have, because it can all go away so fast. It sets priorities for you without hesitation, clarifying with icy precision just what’s important and what’s not.
It may be the antithesis of a hallmark moment, but the lesson is the same. In a mob or alone, enjoy every minute you have. It won’t come again, and there’s absolutely no telling when the clock runs out.