Yes, I took time off of work. I put aside the email and the phone for the most part, and soaked up some sun and breeze and lake. I ate too much, slept too long, and cracked a beer at 2 p.m. on the boat dock most days. The weather was perfect, and in many respects, it was the picture perfect vacation.
But the best parts of this week had little to do with me.
I got to watch as my father adored my daughter, smitten with her as completely as I thought he might be. Tough, stoic Swede that he is, he melted the minute Abby showed up and smiled “Hi, Grampa!”. I’ve seen him smile more in the last 6 days than I remember in a long, long time.
My dad and I never had the “perfect” relationship, whatever the hell that means. He wasn’t my softball coach or the guy that came to all my music recitals or drove me and my girlfriends to the mall.
But seeing him with my daughter, laughing with her as they flung the garden hose around the front yard, I realize just how precious he is to me, flaws and all. In fact, that’s all part of what I’ve come to love about who and what he is. My daughter cares only that my dad is there to chase geese with and blow bubbles and throw rocks in the lake. Now, he’s precious to her.
I guess I never really needed him to be that textbook dad. I’ve learned a million things from him, many of which I’m only now starting to realize. Some of them I could never have learned from anyone else. And the magic is that now, as a mother and a grown daughter, I’m teaching him, too.
So vacation to me this year was partially about relaxing. But more than anything, it was about reconnecting, and embracing my dad - truly - as the person he is. Finally without reservation. It was about seeing my daughter take such joy in his silliness and his warmth. And knowing that I’ll be able to share with her, for years to come, the things about him that have helped make me who I am.
We’re all flawed. Being human can be hard. But there’s nothing like a vacation spent with family to remind you just how little some things are, and how big it is to love unconditionally. Who knew I’d find it, after 33 years, at the lake?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Steve Vandergriff 07.08.09 at 2:30 am
Brilliant. Wonderfully told and something that many of us go through as we come to the realization that our parents aren’t as dumb as we thought they were when we were teenagers.
-Steve
Heather Rast 07.08.09 at 2:34 am
I’m so glad to hear you had a special time this year, in both short-term and long-term perspectives. It sounds like a great respite, but also one of those memorable milestones that cast a bigger ripple, leave a larger impression, than at first you might imagine. Good for Abby, and good for you. I’ve also found that a little age, a little distance, a few trials/tribulations (okay, a lot) of my own make it easier to accept some others simply for who they are, and easier to forget who they weren’t. Hoorah for your family vaca!
DJ Waldow 07.08.09 at 2:54 am
Amber - As I said via twitter, this post brought a (happy) tear to my eye. It made me smile. A post that I’ll re-read when my parents are driving me nuts! Ha ha.
Love that you (make) time to blog here as well. Love.
(By the way, my wife’s family is from Norway).
dj
@djwaldow
D.R. Eamon 07.08.09 at 3:06 am
Your tale of reconnecting touched my heart. I’m not yet a grandfather, and my oldest children are thousands of miles away, but you brought memories of their bright innocence back to me. Enjoy your memories, and make sure to make many more… everyone involved needs them!
Best,
Don
geo geller 07.08.09 at 3:12 am
it is said the older you get the smarter your parents get - i discovered my mother when i was 40 she is now 97 and is the youngest and funniest and honest person i know - we are friends and been so for a while now - food for imagination
be well
geo
the art of living is loving
Teresa (@TransitionalTee) 07.08.09 at 3:13 am
It sounds like this vacation was absolutely perfect. It’s amazing what adulthood and, I can only guess, being a parent can do to our perspectives of our parents. While I don’t have children, I’m sure that if I ever do they’ll be that great connector to my parents and reminder of what wonderful people both my mom and dad are.
I truly hope you give yourself more opportunities to enjoy that connectivity between you, your father, and Abby. I think after this you just might do that.
Ann Handley 07.11.09 at 3:08 am
This is an awesome, post, Amber. So many great lines in it… that I’m tempted to quote you back to yourself. But I won’t do that. Instead, I’ll just tell you I loved it. Thanks for sharing this.. it’s wonderful.
Anna Barcelos 07.14.09 at 2:56 am
Great post Amber! Our families are hardly perfect, but spending time together really helps you realize how much you love them and how it important it is to forget the annoying things they do (although many at times) and focus on how important and influential they really are in our lives.
emily-sarah 09.17.09 at 2:18 pm
This is precious and beautiful. And even when you do have more of a textbook relationship with your parents, it’s a new world when you see your mom and dad interact on an entirely different sphere with your child. Sometimes I look at my parents and think, “Who ARE these people?! They were NOT so gullible with me. And they definitely didn’t let me get away with such stuff!” Grandchildren can wrap their g’parents in whole new ways — and it’s a wonderful thing to behold for us adult children, isn’t it?
Thanks for a great post. Just now found you via happening upon an @sarahjbray message about your social media blogging.