The Paradox of Superheroes

by Amber on October 29, 2009

My daughter is getting so big, so fast. They always told me this was going to happen. How fast time flies by when you have a little one, and how they seemingly grow before your eyes.

I didn’t believe them, not really, until I started getting on lots of airplanes for work. Flying all across the country to do the human connection thing that is so vital to the business I’m in, and what has helped create so much professional satisfaction in the last year. I can see some of the goals I’ve had finally getting closer to real, and I’m learning so much about setting newer, better, different goals.

But every time I walk out the door to go further those aspirations – ones that I hope will form a secure foundation for my family for years to come – I say so long to a very small person who doesn’t quite understand what I’m up to.

To her, in her tiny little three-foot world, I am everything. I am omnipotent, capable of delivering the finest breakfast waffles, healing bonked heads, finding lost small purple bunnies amongst the terrible sofa cushions, and telling the best stories. I am the Solver of All Things, the better-maker when we’re sick and the comfort when there are scary noises outside. She relies on me.

So too, do the people with whom I work, sometimes. The folks among my friends and colleagues who seem to think I don’t sleep (I do), that I can tackle any challenge they hand me, that I can keep up an endless pace with a smile on my face, conquer the world, make a difference, befriend everyone, move mountains.

But Abby doesn’t care about that. She doesn’t care about Twitter. She doesn’t care about my stupid blog. She doesn’t care if I ever churn out another webinar or whitepaper or stand on another stage to give a silly speech.  She’d much prefer I stay on the ground. In our living room or the backyard. Her vision of superhero status is rooted in different things. Bigger things. Maybe better things.

If I’m going to choose what kind of a superhero to be, I’m going to be her kind. The kind whose powers are wrapped up in cookie baking and drawing of endless chalkboards full of happy face flowers. The kind who can make time slow down, just a little bit, to hold fast to new discoveries and sentences full of laughter and nonsense and amazement at the world she’s discovering in toddler-sized chunks.

I don’t need to be the superhero that’s internet famous. I don’t need to be the popular superhero, or the funny one, or even the smart one. I don’t need to be the superhero of social media, or business, or my circle of friends.

The only kind of superhero I care to be is a quiet one, a steady one, a human and fallible one.  One seen through blue eyes, giggles, and fingers sticky with pancake syrup and fruit snacks. I don’t need to save or conquer the world. I just need to be the guidepost, the best kind of simple superhero I know how to be, to give the world, instead, to her.

  • http://socialamber.com Amber Rae Lambke

    Wow! Fantastic post. Very touching and heartwarming. Thank you for sharing this story. I’m sure many others will feel touched by it as well.

    Your daughter is beautiful! Kudos to you for all that you do… and staying real along the way!

  • http://socialamber.com Amber Rae Lambke

    PS – blonde straight hair and blue eyes? I love it! :)

  • http://www.megfowler.com Meg

    I am not a mom (yet), but I have a mom who was and is pretty good at being the kind of superhero I need. I love that you care about the three foot tall priority in your life above all the other demands, and that your heart sees clearly enough to write words like this.

    She will grow up to love how smart, how capable, and how savvy her mom is in the other world you live in — the one with all the work and connections to be made and goals to reach. No doubt in my mind.

    But here’s a thought in the meantime — the very thing that makes you such an incredible mom to Abby is what makes you the right person to build a community, to listen to people, to tell their stories, and to make things work out the way they need to.

    Moms rule the world. Glad you’re one of them.

  • http://creativeread.com csread

    It’s good you are so grounded and you have your priorities the way you want them. My little girls are 22 and 24 and they remember how much of their lives have been consumed with my work. They still think I work too much. Last night I sat with them to watch “27 Dresses” and actually gave it (and them) my full attention. I tend to think I don’t have time for those things. But then I make the time and I’m glad that I did.

    An old, old saying – we won’t end our days wishing we had spent more time at the office.

  • http://livepath.blogspot.com Leigh Durst

    Amber,

    Blew my doors off. Outstanding, warm, thoughtful and poignant. i know we talked about this but it was just so easily insert my two year old’s name here and follow your thoughts and emotions. I know how you feel and echo your resolve. ;-) Write more pieces like this. Beautiful!

    Leigh

  • http://wordswillsaveme.wordpress.com Teresa Basich

    So, no, I don’t have children, and I don’t foresee myself having children any time soon, but…this post, all daughter-focused and steeped in momness, captures great perspective and purpose like no other.

    And, of course, it makes big saps like me cry.

    Beautiful. :)

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Powerful stuff Amber. In a world where everyone’s priorities seem to be out of whack – it’s nice to have this “reality” check on what really matters in life. Cheers to you and your daughter, I have no doubt you are an incredible mother.

  • http://urbaneapts.com/ Eric Brown

    A paradox indeed Amber. Four kids later, two of which now have their own little ones and family, has really driven home for me that we really do teach our kids most of everything they know, hence “The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree” Not sure I really had a grasp on that until as of late.

    Unfortunately, the life of the Walton’s doesn’t seem real either, but someday we will all get to the end of the path, and ONLY have our blessed memories,

  • http://guruofnew.com Sarah Browne

    Dear Amber,
    I bet every Mom reading your post is nodding right along. You’ve expressed so beautifully the pain and the joy of trying to balance it all. What I’m here to tell you as a ‘veteran’ Mom is that someday Abby will not only understand but *hugely* appreciate the way you have lived a fully-expressed (if occasionally frustrating!) life. You are her shining example of all facets of being female — this is your great gift to her. My kidlet is now 20 and a Berkeley Regents & Chancellors Scholar living in London. I was a single Nanny-less Mom so Katie flew around the world with me on business trips. “Blankie” ultimately disintegrated somewhere near Sydney, after being dragged through countless airports. On the days she couldn’t come with me and I thought my heart would break — my wondrous clients learned the words to her favorite lullaby and everyone sang to her from conference rooms, research facilities and offices. She remembers that and she still has all the notes, pictures, drawings and mementos from every trip. I am still her Superhero and she’s mine. I so applaud you for feeling all you’re feeling — and taking a stand so eloquently. We’re all better for it. Thank you!

  • http://dresramblings.com Andre Natta

    It’s always good to be reminded of what’s important in life and about where your priorities should be.

    While I don’t have children, I have “adopted” nieces and nephews that fill the reminding role. Then there are the cats that will quite forcefully plop themselves in front of this laptop when they feel that I’ve worked long enough. As frustrating as it may be, it’s a great feeling to realize that the world will still be there after you take a break and stop thinking that it will all fall apart if you’re not paying attention.

    Thanks for helping some more of us remember that.

  • http://www.lostincheeseland.com Lindsey

    What a moving post, it’s good to see some people understand that quality of life and family trumps “internet success” and celebrity any day.

  • http://www.BryanPerson.com Bryan Person

    Thank you for sharing this touching and heartfelt post, Amber. I read it from the hotel bar in Los Angeles, having just wrapped up the 140 Conference. And know what I was thinking for most of the past 2 days? How I was at a Twitter conference in LA and not home with my own 3-year-old. He told me on the phone yesterday that I had to wake up because … Los Angeles didn’t have any beds. It’s that silly speech that I treasure. I love my job, but not much beats being a dad.

  • http://pulseandsignal.com Andre Blackman

    These are the heroes that world is in desperate need of – right now we are easily caught up in the sneering, accusing and perfection-seeking tornado of unrealistic expectations and uber narcissism. You hit the nail on the head Amber about the type of hero I want to be as well: human, fallible and full of good intentions and able to put a smile on a face in under 5 nanoseconds :)

  • http://dfolkens.wordpress.com Dave Folkens

    Outstanding post and observations Amber. I think people get caught up in measuring success in so many ways when it comes to career achievement, financial status, and fame but they miss this aspect. I’ve often said that when it comes right down to it, I’d much rather be remembered as a great Dad than a great PR guy.

    You’ve got your values and priorities in the right place. That’ll serve you, and Abby, very well. Success in all other areas of life will continue as well as long as you know who you are and what’s most important to you.

  • http://www.jeremymeyers.com/ Jeremy Meyers

    Children know everything. They see us without judgment of our past transgressions or digressions, and their love is pure. In short, they are us as we really are, underneath all the bullshit of expectations and resentments and things we have not let learned to let go of.

    Looking at ourselves through their eyes is the best way, if even for a moment, to catch a glimpse of our true silly nature. And if we can see that, and remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through us like rain and we can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of our stupid little lives. (to mangle a favorite quote from a favorite movie)

    Remember that feeling, come back to it, be grateful. Be sure she knows.

    All my love always.

  • http://www.mckeewallworkcleveland.com Dovya

    Awesome post. I’ve composed three responses, all which reveal too much while saying too little. So I’ll leave it at this: Kudos to us working parents who recognize the conflict and do the best they can.

    Thank you.

  • http://www.annabarcelos.me Anna Barcelos

    What a beautiful post. You truly portray life’s most important gift: simplicity that can only be seen through the eyes of your beautiful child.

    Thanks so much for reminding us moms about what’s truly important!

  • http://www.catpurry.blogspot.com Pat Curry

    If your Reality is Inaccurate… I don’t want to know the truth. You are very fortunate to have GOTTEN IT so early in life. So many don’t get it until it is too late for anything but regrets. I love your reality, personally and professionally. pc

  • http://www.potluckmama.wordpress.com Beth Coetzee

    Wow. Way to make me cry on a Monday morning; trying like heck not to snot all over my keyboard…
    Ever notice how words of wisdom have a way of speaking for you if you’re willing to slow down and listen? Your presentation on Social Media Time Management came across my inbox in a Slide Share email…I was so engaged by that presentation that I looked up your blogs and that’s when I stumbled on this post. Your words echo my sentiments exactly and remind me that I’m not the only one trying to figure out how best to don all these hats. Thank you for writing…I appreciate it!

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