But there is a serious question and it’s not strictly personal. For at least 30 years, 0ur society (or perhaps economy) has increasingly forced children to grow up without their parents. We farm them out to strangers in “care” centers for whole days, dropping them off in the early morning and picking them up late at night. In so many cases, for their entire childhoods, until we deem them ready to become latch-key kids.

Perhaps this is fine. Perhaps this is even ideal, not just for you, but for everyone. Perhaps evolution’s ancient design on parenthood, and the role of the mother in particular, was flawed and overdue for, well, evolution. But there must come a point when not spending (one could say investing) enough time with children causes harm. To them. Whether you worked hard or slothed off. Whether you helped old ladies cross busy streets or repaired picket fences before painting them bright white.

A better question to answer, honestly and seriously, is this: how much time away is too much time away? When can quality no longer compensate for a lack of quantity? Perhaps you could devote your prose to that question rather than pat yourself on the back for how self-actualized — emphasis on self — you are.

Btw, do love your use of the word “jackassery”. It’s’ a good one.

My eldest asked me tonight when we are taking our next family holiday, as their last three summer vacations have been spent away with their mum and grandparents (I only really take time off when friends are in town, and my freelance trips are big fun: albeit solo fun).

In response, I asked her what she wanted: a dad who did his best to build something enjoyable that we can maybe all work on together in a few years, or a dad who gave up and just used his spare time to sit around, becoming ever more depressed for failing to explore his potential?

She chose option A, because she understands what it is to be passionate. We taught her that. She also knows there’ll be lots of time and cash for killer family holidays when things start to happen all on their own – as they are now.

You are doing the right thing. Stay focused!

I do agree that sometimes it’s hard for people who are not passionate about their jobs to understand why people who are passionate put so much effort into it, and it’s annoying to see them pass judgment.

Don’t take those comments personally and keep doing what makes you fulfilled, including being a successful professional woman and being a great mother! Best wishes.

I just recently published a book about childhood play in the 1970s and 80s. My last blog post addressed the cultural shift from unstructured, creative play to organized participation in clubs and activities over the years.

I did a little research into what might be causing this shift. One statistic that I found interesting is that in 1975, about 1/3 of households were dual-income. Today, the figure is above 60%.

I’d be really interested in your perspectives about this (especially as mothers). Feel free to post your thoughts.

The Shift From Unstructured Childhood Play to Organized Activity

I think it’s important to remember that your interpretation of the “I don’t know how you do it” comments is just that – your interpretation. You can carry that and agonize over that and let the guilt lace every other “I don’t know how you do it” you hear, but I suspect you’re better off doing what you did in writing this post – acknowledging it, processing it and moving on. In fact, this process likely makes you that much stronger as a mother as you’re more sensitive to making your time with your daughter quality time.

I certainly tailor my behavior based on what I perceive as my mother’s tendency to over-commit: I am acutely conscious of my extra-curricular activities, choosing to participate in philanthropies that have conference calls rather than drive-somewhere-meetings, stepping back and letting someone else take the lead when supporting them will suffice and setting priorities that work for me (like cooking supper in the evenings with my family). Still, I get those same comments. But what a compliment – these people think that what I’m doing is work! This is just me, soaking up as much life and love and learning as I can each day because I never know when it will be my last!

You’re ok, Amber…just keep listening to your heart and you’ll be ok:)

PS. – Tom, you are so right to say that fathers get the short end of the gender-biased stick…I have two male family members right now whose hearts are being broken because of this…:(

Good post, Amber…thanks for sharing!

When they are older and busy with their friends going off on ski trips and homecomings, I may pick golf up again. Youth passes so quickly. Our most important job as parents is to create happy childhood memories for our children. That’s my biggest priority. Everything falls in line after that.

Yes, it literally at times does take a village to raise a child. There are times the kids have to sleep at the grandparents’ house because my husband or I won’t be around due to work commitments. There are times I’m not home to tuck the kids into bed at night. It comes with the territory. The kids are not suffering because of it. They are happy and healthy and know mom and dad have to work hard. If mom is happy, everyone’s happy. Yes cliche but so true.

So keep doing everything you love doing. I can tell you love your job and everything it entails. It is also very apparent you are an amazing mom. How do you do it? Well you just do. Period.

Thanks for your thoughts Amber. They are always refreshing and of course know that you’re never alone

People need to just butt out. Period. Whatever their reasons, unless they truly believe a child is in some sort of danger, people should keep their looks & laments to themselves. I have 4 children. My husband is my business partner, but his primary job is taking care of our kids. They range in age from 15 years to 8 months. Almost daily someone who discovers I have 4 children says something to me of the “I don’t know how you do it!” variety. I’ve learned to smile directly at the speaker and say, “Just be glad I DO know!” Rock on & thanks for unapologetically doing what you love (including being a Mom).